courage

Every time I go to a doctor they love to change my medications. Every time they change my medications there is more side effects. More side effects more pain, illness, stomach problems etc. Always changing, always sick. Never the same. When people ask me how I am, do they really want to know? I have stopped sharing how I am cause its the same poor you look. I would love my answer to be I am pain FREE and sick FREE. But alas I can not say this. Don't get me wrong I have my good days. But none when my body and mind are perfect. I miss the days when there were no pills, no shots, and no nasty liquid. I miss the pain free days. Through my illness I have learned humility, patience and to have courage. I have meet some really wonderful people threw my disease. I have grown because of my illness.

 Life is a Courage

Courage to do something extraordinary,
Courage to fight with diseases,  

Courage to make people stand on their own,

Courage to believe in someone, 

Courage to fight against all odds.       
  BY Suruchi Puri 

Psa 31:24 
Be strong, and let your heart take courage, All ye that hope in Jehovah.

I have lupus. Lupus does not have me.

In the 1950's the five year survival rate for lupus patients was only 50%... one out of two patients. Lupus was considered a "death sentence".

By the 1990's the 10 year survival rate had been hovering at 90% and the 20 year survival rate at 70%.
 I am close to hitting the three year mark. (Although many lupus patient can tell you they have had lupus for YEARS before receiving a confirmed diagnosis).
 

I totally and completely forgot to enjoy life for quite awhile after the diagnosis was confirmed.

You grieve.

Just like when someone you love dies, you grieve.

But, with lupus, there is no moment of finality... no funeral, no grave to visit.

You grieve for what you have lost due to the disease.

Many lupus patients lose friendships. We lose our careers, we lose financial security, we lose marriages, we lose our independence, we even lose our sense of who we are.

And all of this loss isn't bundled up into a Hollywood movie moment where we sigh, cry and move on...

The grief is complicated because what brings the suffering on is so unpredictable.

So enjoying life is a rather scary leap of faith.

If we allow ourselves to ENJOY we are risking losing that time of ENJOYING to feeling more deeply the pain of loss that could revisit us at the most unexpected moments.

To "enjoy the pleasure of being alive" when you have been hit with a chronic disease that is as unpredictable as a raging bull....

Well, that takes a load of courage.

Depression?
 Heck, I can deal with that. I have lived with depression so thoroughly for so long... it feels normal.

But, to let myself go and risk feeling pleasure... to feel pure joy...that requires courage.

I think I have known for a long time that when our hearts have been profoundly broken with deep sorrow... something inside us breaks through to allow us to feel the deepest liberating joy too.

So today I am going to surrender to joy.

Things I Have Done

Shot a gun

Gone on a blind date

Skipped school

 Watched someone die

Watch a baby being born 

Been to Canada 

Been on a cruise 

Been to more than 45 states

Been to Mexico 

Been on a plane 

Been lost 

Swam in the Ocean  really only waded!! 

Cried yourself to sleep

  Recently colored with crayons 

Sang Karaoke

Paid for a meal with coins only 

Made prank phone calls 

Laughed until some beverage came out of your nose 

Laughed until you cried

Caught a snowflake on your tongue 

Danced in the rain 

Written a letter to Santa Claus 

Written a letter to a stranger. 

Been kissed under the mistletoe

 Watched the sunrise with someone

Blown bubbles

 Camped out under the stars 

 Seen something so beautiful that it took your breath away

 Got married

 Have children I have two 4-legged ones

Have done illegal drugs. Lots 
 Been skinny dipping outdoors

Been fishing

Been boating 

Been Hiking

Been camping in a trailer/RV or tent

Flown in a small 2 or 4-seater airplane

Been flying in a helicopter

 Been flying in a hot air balloon 

Gone to a drive-in movie 

Done something that should have killed me.

Done something that you will regret (feel sad about) for the rest of your life 

 Eaten just cookies for dinner

Been in a car accident .To many

Got Piercings and Tattoos 

Been left at a Wal-mart in Florida with no money, ID or clothes.


This is just a start on what I have done. LOL