My Husband's 7th Sobriety Birthday

Hey guys and gals. So i decided to share some of our story we have been married 14 years and for 7 years I lived in the hell of addiction (both of us). After we got on the right track in sobriety and with God, my awesome husband wrote this poem in 2004. It's also his 7th year clean today. I felt I needed to share this poem with all of you reading this. Hope you read it and finish.

 Love to all Becky 

 THIS IS WHAT I SEE

I sit right across from you and breath the same air

I have the same eye color, same face, same hair

We look at each other with that same empty stare

I can't stand to look at you anymore, but still I can't look away

Why do I deal with you day after day

I know I have to be rid of you, I know I can't stay

So I'm smashing this mirror and running away

THIS IS WHAT I AM

As I'm running away something burns inside like a fire

It flows through my veins and makes me feel higher

It's burning my soul, now was this my desire

You see I'm a junkie, a dealer, a theif and a liar

I have built my castle upon the lives I've destroyed 

But my castle's empty and haunted by ghosts of those which I've toyed

And now my death is imminent, my sentence has been deployed

THIS IS HOW I FEEL

I'm dying you see and I need a way out, so I look up to the stars

As they shine into my darkness, I see they are to far

So I raise up my hands to the sky and say"whoever you are"

I'm stuck in a hole, it's dark and I'm scared

And I can't give you any reason why I should be spared

Hey, are you listening, take me or save me, are you hearing impared

Idon't know why I should expect your help, no one else has ever cared

THIS IS WHAT I NEED

Nothing but death, destruction, cages and tears

This all sounds like self-pity, self-delusion and constant fear

But this is what I've dealt with for 17 years

So I need a way out, I need your direction 

I'm being attacked on all sides and I need your protection

Take the pain inside I need this dissection

But more than anything love me, please, I need your affection

THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO OFFER

I can't offer you much in return only my life, my heart, my soul

Maybe I could follow you through hell to snacth up survivors from the coals

I'll claim you as my leader till the day I grow old

I will march with you into battle standing side by side

And the laws you lay down for me, these I'll abide

So when you call on me to do work, I'll never again run and hide

Then I can bring unto you millons with arms open wide

THIS IS MY HOPE

So if you teach me how to feel

There's a chance one day I'll feel something so real

And if I wake up tomorrow I gues it's a deal

Then I'll owe you a debt I could never repay

For graciously giving me life, instead of the death I lived yesterday

So I'll hit my knees, look to the heavens and say

Thank you my loving father, my prince of peace in your arms I will forever stay

By Billy Hofler 2004